I woke up this morning and I saw a post on Instagram that I have seen before, but it never ceases to impact me.
It read, “Life is so subtle sometimes that you barely notice yourself walking through the doors you once prayed would open.” And, I thought to myself, how true this was for me. Not too long ago, I was a different woman. I was the same on the outside but my insides were quite different. And while I always had the stored potential inside of me, I wasn’t yet aligning my actions with that part of me. Instead, I was aligning my actions with my fears. I was aligning my actions with the most insecure parts of myself.
I was aligning my actions with evidence to support my fucked up belief that I was indeed unworthy, rejected, abandoned, and unloved. It was a long and slow journey to loving myself deep. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it. I woke up this morning in my bed, with no drama. I have no guilt for my actions from the night before. I have a beautiful home, an amazing pup. I have my beloved and my family and friends. Most importantly, I love me today. I align my actions with my self esteem and joy and peace today. I have prayed to become the woman I am today. Of course I am human and humans feel shitty some days. I am an emotional woman and therefore I feel deep and have a range of emotions in one day. However, there is a deep unshakeable inner self love and joy in me these days.
I prayed to love myself and be able to stop acting out and self sabotaging my life. I prayed to be happy. I prayed to be sober not only of alcohol but emotionally sober. I prayed to have a rescue pup and a beloved and a peaceful life. I prayed to face my fears with my drivers license and passing my board exam to be a licensed therapist…. and I have those things today after much WORK and support, but I got there. Tribe and therapy and loving people helped me get there. I think it’s key to know that- we can’t do it all alone. We need one another. Wherever you are in your life, I want you to take a moment and reflect. Look at the things that you now have – that you once wished and prayed for. Take a moment to give yourself credit – whether small or big. It’s all a miracle. You are a walking breathing miracle. I love you all. Share with me in the comments below what you discover!