I ran for years… from myself.
It was a scary place to be, in me.
You see, I had been scared while being in me. I had been violated while being in me. I had been screamed at and called names while being in me.
So naturally, my mind thought, then just escape you.
My soul left. I was an empty, broken, and shattered vessel.
Flesh was on my bones so I passed as human, but I assure you. I was dead.
So dead. SOUL dead
I ran and ran until I exhausted myself and fell onto the ground.
I was like shattered glass in a million pieces on a bloody concrete floor.
I caught a glimpse of myself as I hit rock bottom, in a small shard of the glass on that cold ground.
I saw nothing in my eyes
And I didn’t recognize myself.
I was scared.
And something in me woke up.
It said “you need help. This isn’t the way. There is a better way.” And so I did.
One step at a time, I made my way back to me.
I choose the people and thoughts and activities that make my body feel safe and good today.
I didn’t have that choice as a child. But now as a woman, I do.
I get to create the life I always wanted, one day at a time.
I am HOME in myself
I came back to me and that feels so good.
I would love to hear from you all! Poetry, thoughts, anything that you feel like sharing about your “no mud, no lotus” journey!